One Dead Giveaway A Friend is No Longer A Real Friend

Let me help you save yourself two hours of heartbreak

Abby Cheval

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Photo by Desola Lanre-Ologun on Unsplash

Hey, friend. Ever thought about the list of the things you’ve forgiven your friends for doing over the years? I know I have mine. For example, it includes forgiving them for:

— Being inconsistent.

— Being a little messy.

— A little rude.

— For changing.

— For no longer being compatible.

But there is one thing that cannot be forgiven.

Frankly, it should not be tolerated. Period.

Friends hurt each other from time to time, it’s natural. Sometimes we say or do something that invades someone's personal space or crosses an invisible boundary. We get offended or hurt and we see how, if not addressed, it changes the whole dynamic of a group setting or the vibe between two people. So what matters is what follows: the call-out and the response.

A good sign of a healthy relationship is usually tested at this point. And if your friend can’t or isn’t willing to listen to your mini-intervention, then it waves huge red flags. I know it did for me recently after a 14-year friendship went quickly down the drain over the one thing that would’ve saved it.

Everyone’s communication style is different, but a friend’s resistance to admitting their faults for hurting you shows a lacks empathy and trust. It reveals more about their personality and their idea of power over you and others.

It is a subtle disregard of your feelings. A mockery of your pain. And what such friends fail to realize is that calling them out on their shit is often very hard on the accuser as much as the accused. And I want you to understand this when you’re the one on the end holding the gun to their head, feeling like a piece of crap for doing so.

You Deserve To Breathe Clean Air

No real friend ever wants to put another in a bad situation. Bringing up an issue and asking for an apology often comes from a place of insecurity needing to be quashed or a set of boundaries needing to be rebuilt.

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Abby Cheval

Millennial, noncommittal romantic, walking the tightrope between hope and depression. Sounds like you too? I’ll write something for both of us.